Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ash amed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

* by Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

* Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

* William Butler Yeats

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

* Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

* Anonymous

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

* W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

* Tee Mans

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

* Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.

* Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

* Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

* Stephen Wright

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,

but at the very least you need a beer.

* Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

* Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

* Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

* Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the

wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. * Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

* Humphrey Bogart

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

* Anonymous